randog311 7,197 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 My Wife asked Me to go out and get something that makes Her look Sexy... So I went out and got Drunk... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing? I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss? She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide... My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl… 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 It's always hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs... Because they're always taking things so literally... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 Gambling Addiction Hotlines would do much better if every fifth caller was a winner... What's the last thing "Tickle Ne Elmo" gets before leaving the factory... Two Test Tickles;) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 A man is being arrested by a female police officer... She informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies....BOOBS!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Broccoli: Hey! I look like a tree! Mushroom: Wow! I look just like an umbrella! Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the topic please...... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 What does a Slutty Horse (named "Flower") wear on her Hooves? Whoreshoes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Dnspy007 said: Broccoli: Hey! I look like a tree! Mushroom: Wow! I look just like an umbrella! Walnut: I look exactly like a brain. Banana: Man, can we change the topic please...... Where do you think Donovan got the idea for the Song "Mellow Yellow"? "Electric Banana"... https://articles.cleveland.com/music/index.ssf/2013/09/donovan_answers_age-old_questi.amp Later, randog311 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 What did Chicken Little's Grandmother say? My Breasts are Falling, My Breasts are Falling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 A recent study has found that women that carry a little extra weight live longer than... Then the men that mentioned it... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 I find it ironic that the colors Red, White and Blue represent Freedom until you find them flashing behind you... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 A Mother was cleaning her twelve Y O Son's bedroom & finds a load of bondage gear & fetish Magazines... She asks her Husband, what should I do??? He answered: I don't know, but whatever you do, Don't Spank Him... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 I met someone online that shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit... Next Tuesday we will meet locally and go on a Date... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 My Girlfriend recently broke up with me because of My Pasta Fetish... I'm Cannelloni right now ... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 I've discovered that I have a Logic Fetish.... I can't stop coming to conclusions... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 What do you get when you cross a Frog with a Pig? A Lifetime Ban from the Muppet Show... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 Having Sex in an Elevator is Wrong on so many levels... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome... I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 What does the sign on an out of business Brothel say? Beat it, we're Closed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I happen to meet my Girlfriends Father last night, he asked: So Hunter, what do you do? Apparently "Your Daughter" wasn't the right answer... The Owner of a Drug Store walks into his business to see a man leaning heavily into a wall... The Owner asked his Clerk: What's with the guy over there against the wall? Clerk: He came in this morning wanting something for a Cough, so sold him a bottle of Laxatives... Owner: You idiot, you can't treat a Cough with Laxatives... Clerk: Oh Yeah, look at him, he's afraid to Cough... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilDent 1,714 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I think everyone eventually goes to Walmart...you know...if they die without Christ. -Emo Phillips Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Did you hear about the Woman who finally figured out Men? She died laughing before she could tell anyone... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 (edited) Do you know what the Dry Cleaners found inside the pocket of Monica's Dress? A wad of Bill's... Edited September 8, 2018 by randog311 Site Fail / Separate Contents Merged once again / removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilDent 1,714 Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 "I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference." ~ Steven Wright 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,197 Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 Why did Adele cross the road? To sing "Hello" from the other side... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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