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Do you know any jokes?

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The expression used to be: " An Apple a Day will keep the Doctor away"

 

But nowadays it seems that many Doctors don't eat MEAT for one reason or another: "Now I find that BACON works Best"

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Okay dennismiller55

FYI, I am trying to be very careful as to what words and content I am posting, especially as related to humor which as we all know can be very subjective individually. 

The Joke in which you recently DELETED I felt would pass the muster of the "P C Police".

 

Apparently I will have to "rein- in" my parameters of what I post...

 

Note taken, randog311

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I told my wife that she was drawing her eyebrows to high...

 

She looked surprised...

 

Later, randog311

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In an unfamiliar part of town, two Sisters were riding their Bikes down a cobbled street...

 

one said to the other: Iv'e never come this way before... 

 

Later, randog311

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The very nature of a joke is to laugh at the folly, misfortune or expense of another individual, ethnic class, sex, or religion.  There isn't much in this thread that wouldn't offend someone, somewhere, for some reason.

 

Asking people to post politically correct jokes is a joke in and of itself.

 

JMO

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I agree UncleMeat 

Your Username I  personally happen to like...

 

Although I believe even that Username is likely to Offend someone somewhere...

 

MAJA

 

Later,  randog311 

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Posted (edited)

When Zappa released this song, the ADL wanted it 'banned' LOL.  All that did was create more publicity.

 

 

In order to be fair and politically/ethnically neutral, Zappa wrote this song:

 

 

UMRK WARNING: Some people (cupcake eaters) might find this material offensive. I for one, care less for them.  -The Utility Muffin Research Kitchen

Edited by UncleMeat
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Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

 

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.

 

His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

 

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.

 

Tom got a horrified look on his face.    She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

 

He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

 

"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

 

Tom replied: “I wasn't."

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And the Lord said unto John,

 

"Come forth and you will receive Eternally Life"

 

But John came fifth, and won a toaster 

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God and Adam were just hanging out in the Garden of Eden...

 

Adam say's: "Lord, I've been noticing that all of the animals have "Mates", Can I have a Mate Too?

 

Yes Adam, but it will cost you an arm and a leg...

 

Adam ponders for awhile and asks: What can I get for a rib? 

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A mother and father take their 6-year old son  to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger

than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
 
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother

that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
 
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'
 
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:
 
'Daddy is talking to the 
silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

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Do you know why there are so many Italians named "Tony"?

 

When they Immigrated,  they were "Stamped":

 

"To New York"

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The Wait Staff were refilling Wine Glasses at the Company Holiday Party,  everything was going well, then Confusion set in when someone said the two words together as one of  the Wait Staff  members attempted to top-off their glass... (Don't & Stop), and then a couple people on the corner said: " Me Also, Me Also"

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O Canada

 

How can you tell if a Redneck from Alberta is Married...

 

There will be dried chewing tabacco on both sides of his pickup truck...

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Since I'm from Alberta I guess I have to come back with something.......lets see....

 

 

How can you tell if a Texan is married...

 

She waves from the kitchen window,  as he hitches up the house.....

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Well,  I'm fairly new to being a Texan (less than a year)...

 

Did you hear about the Texan that died and the Funeral Home found that he was too large to fit in the Casket...

 

They gave him an Enema and were able to fit him in a shoebox...

 

Keep the Texan and American Jokes coming...

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A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra.

 

 The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!"

 

The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"

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On 8/10/2018 at 6:59 PM, randog311 said:

The Wait Staff were refilling Wine Glasses at the Company Holiday Party,  everything was going well, then Confusion set in when someone said the two words together as one of  the Wait Staff  members attempted to top-off their glass... (Don't & Stop), and then a couple people on the corner said: " Me Also, Me Also"

For less Confusion:

Change the scenario...

Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning...

 

Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke?

 

I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live.

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1 hour ago, randog311 said:

For less Confusion:

Change the scenario...

Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning...

 

Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke?

 

I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live.

I understand the "joke". I was confused as to why you would think the scenario was funny.

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2 hours ago, randog311 said:

For less Confusion:

Change the scenario...

Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning...

 

Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke?

 

I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live.

 

Im about as un-offendable as they come.  That said, there are a few things that just aren’t funny to most people.  Resurrecting a joke about rape that was not humorous the first time seems a poor decision. 

 

As for claims of the “censored world”, I can count the number of removed posts on this forum in the past several years on one hand.  All was good - you over stepped with the original “joke”, Dennis did his job as a moderator and gave gentle correction.  Now you seem intent on revisiting the situation. 

 

Just let it go. 

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