Jump to content
Gene C

Do you know any jokes?

Recommended Posts

Light travels faster than sound...

That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

With the rise of Autonomous Vehicles,  it's only a matter of time until There's a Country Song where the guys Truck leaves him to...

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just discovered that letting the Cat out of the bag is way easier than getting it back in  without looking any blood...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Worst part of working for the Department of Unemployment is that when you get fired you still have to show up the next day...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

                                                                                           High School - 1957 vs. 2018

 

Scenario 1:

 

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.

 

1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

 

2018 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in for traumatized students and teachers.  

Scenario 2:

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2018 - Police called and the SWAT team arrives. They arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and are expelled even though Johnny started the fight.

Scenario 3:

Jeffrey will not be still in class, and he disrupts other students.

 

1957 - Jeffrey is sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

 

2018 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin and he becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.  

Scenario 4:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2018 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and then joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist. 
 

Scenario 5:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.

2018 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.  

Scenario 6:

Pedro fails high school English.

1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2018 - Pedro's cause is taken up by the state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher.  English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway.   

Scenario 7:

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant nest.

1957 - Ants die.

2018 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.    

Scenario 8:

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2018 - Mary is convicted of being a sexual predator, loses her job, and spends three years in a state prison.  Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.   

 

  • Thank You 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, randog311 said:

Woman: I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is?

Men are easy to scar...

Freudian slip? -----^^^^    🤪

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In an effort to not offend anyone I thought I would just write some punchlines and you can PC up the content of the joke as to not offend others... bear in mind that these joked were originally very offensive to someone. 

 

...it's the position of the dirt bag!

 

...a rose has the prick on the outside!

 

...Listen buddy, I just found this thing, I'm not a real welder!

 

...do you know how many (insert social group here) you need to kill to get an ounce of brain?

 

... you're not here for the hunting are you?

 

...did you hear about the two (insert social group here) that died of exposure? They took their convertible to the drive in to see "Closed for the Season"

 

  • Thank You 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, DrummerJuice said:

In an effort to not offend anyone I thought I would just write some punchlines and you can PC up the content of the joke as to not offend others... bear in mind that these joked were originally very offensive to someone. 

 

...it's the position of the dirt bag!

 

...a rose has the prick on the outside!

 

...Listen buddy, I just found this thing, I'm not a real welder!

 

...do you know how many (insert social group here) you need to kill to get an ounce of brain?

 

... you're not here for the hunting are you?

 

...did you hear about the two (insert social group here) that died of exposure? They took their convertible to the drive in to see "Closed for the Season"

 

 

Harley  / Kirby (other Version with 2 dirt bags)

 

Porsche / Porcupine 

 

Offend me, offend me 2

 

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap 

 

The P C Police can Bite Me

 

Your Carver Site Jester, randog311

 

Edited by randog311
Correction
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×