Bobby1970 1,352 Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 husband and wife in the mall passed a lingerie shop: wife: honey, buy me one of those bra's husband: you don't need those you have small breasts wife: then why are you wearing your briefs? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 My Wife asked for me to get something that makes Her look Sexy... So I went and got drunk... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) What does Mick Jagger say? Hey you, get off of my Cloud... What does a Scotsman say? Hey McCloud, get off my Ewe.. Edited February 19, 2019 by randog311 Spelling 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,607 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 A friend just sent me this, and it took a few minutes before I could regain enough composure to type straight. I couldn't resist adding it here. Guys, I'm sure almost all of you get it. If not, you will! 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby1970 1,352 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Monday. Bank Manager calls for a meeting to check who's this unknown fellow depositing money that his account reached millions already. His background should be checked. Turns out the client is just a simple man living an average life. To clean his doubts, he invited the client to a house party to squeeze in a small talk so as to not obviously doing his background check. The client gets his money from betting. The bank manager would not believe, betting only involves small amount of money especially that the client is just doing it occasionally. The BM decided he should try it one time to prove that the client is depositing legit and clean money in his bank. The client accepted. BM "what is the simplest bet we can get started with?" "I bet you have balls as big as a football!" says the client. BM believe he will win because no man has this size so he accepted the challenge. Client set Friday 12 noon at the BM's office to close the deal and money involve is a million dollar, BM "ok I'll see you then ". The party ended. Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday pass by with the BM constantly calling the client to be sure about the day and time. Friday morning. BM checked his size while bathing, in the car, in the office "they're not the size the client had said, he's a crazy man, I should be a million dollar richer today!" Client arrived and ask the BM to be in the office before 12nn, client requested that his 3 companions be allowed inside as witnesses. BM ok'd that his secretary would also be inside to act as a witness too and to count the money. Everybody agreed. Client requested the BM to show his B at exactly 12, BM said "I can even stand on top of my table so you all can see." 12nn: BM started to climb on the table, unzipped and lowered his pants until bang! for about 10 seconds the BM kept this figure. "So we're finish now?" BM asked. Ok sir you can fix yourself now and let's settle what we have agreed. Client gave the money to the secretary, secretary validated money is ok, BM is so happy, he requested the witnesses go out first for he will have a talk with the client. BM asked "how can give away such amount of money for things like this that you know is not true?" Client: those 3 witnesses, I told them that for a million dollar bet each, I can make a Bank Manager show his balls at exactly 12noon Friday. They accepted the challenge. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingman 662 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 My wife asked me where I’d like to be buried. Apparently balls deep in your sister wasn’t the answer she expected. Quote 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 The Dave Chappelle Show R. Kelly Skit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 I thought this news Story from Vietnam was pretty funny... https://news.sky.com/story/vietnamese-hairdresser-giving-out-trump-and-kim-cuts-11642896 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Sex with three people is a threesome, sex with two people is a twosome... Next time someone tells you that you are handsome... Don't take it as a COMPLIMENT! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrummerJuice 1,278 Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Little Johnny goes to the zoo with his parents. They pass the lions the tigers and the bears and they get to the elephants. (stop me if you've heard this one) Little Johnny tugs his mom's sweater and says... " hey Mom, what's that hanging from the Elephant" She says "oh that's his trunk". He says "not his trunk, the thing behind his trunk?". She says "that's his tail". He says "not his trunk, not his tail, the thing hanging in between?" She says " that's nothing". Not being satisfied he asks his father..." hey Dad, what's that hanging from the Elephant" ...He says "well son that's his trunk". Johnny says "not his trunk, the thing behind his trunk?". Dad says "that's his tail"...Johnny says "not his trunk, not his tail, the thing swaying in between?" His father says "why that's his penis!"... Johnny says "why did mommy say that it was nothing?"... His dad says..."Your Mom's been spoiled Son!" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 Never ask a Woman Who is eating Ice Cream straight from the carton how She is doing... The proper engagement would be to ask Her if She would like some Chocolate... (from a distance)... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbskeam 1,716 Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 My life... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 What does a 75 year old Woman have between Her Breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? Her Navel... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,587 Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 2, 2019 Share Posted March 2, 2019 Elmo Testifies... https://goo.gl/images/HsM6xd 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 My Wife left a note on the fridge, "IT'S NOT WORKING. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.I AM GOING TO MY MOM'S PLACE. " I OPENED THE FRIDGE. THE LIGHT CAME ON. THE BEER WAS COLD... WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,587 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RodH 4,820 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 How do I disable the Autocorrect function of my wife? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,607 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 25 minutes ago, randog311 said: How do I disable the Autocorrect function of my wife? Divorce ... sometimes. It;s not guaranteed, especially if you have kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 2 hours ago, Brian_at_HHH said: Divorce ... sometimes. It;s not guaranteed, especially if you have kids. 43 so far, 2 Daughters and 3 Grandchildren in Colorado A bit late to trade-in now, I'm happy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,607 Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 7 hours ago, randog311 said: 43 so far, 2 Daughters and 3 Grandchildren in Colorado A bit late to trade-in now, I'm happy... First off, congrats! I'm (we're) at 35. At least we have some insight to your twisted sense of humour! ? Yes, too late for a trade-in. ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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