randog311 7,190 Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 4 hours ago, itchitch said: So... this baby seal walks in to a club.... (old but still a favorite to say) Thanks, ItchItch I live on the West End of Galveston Island, almost everyone has a Golf Cart to "Tool Around" in, the 3 most common are "Club Cars" followed by "Ezgo" & "Yamaha" which is what I have. If I had a "Club Car" I thought about ordering a few "Baby Seal" Decals to slap on it ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 On a hot day while traveling through a small town a Penguin was having car trouble so he stopped at a local Repair Shop, the Mechanic told him to give him about a half hour and come back... The Penguin took a walk through town and came across an Ice Cream Parlor and ordered a double scoop of French Vanilla... The Penguin returned to the Shop and the Mechanic sees him Walking up... The Mechanic says: "it looks lik you blew a Seal"... Penguin responded: " Nope, just ate some Ice Cream"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Ray Steven's Ahab the Arab Steven's denies that the song is Racist. He claims that: " He pulled ideas from a book called Arabian Nights that his Mother gave him when he was young" The Song was written as a Comedy although it managed to make it to number 5 on the Top 100 Chart in 1962 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 (edited) Time waits forever no Man.... Time is obviously a Woman... Edited December 20, 2018 by randog311 Correction 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Am I really supposed to know something by my second Rodeo? Realistically that's not a large number of Rodeos.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Woman: "Feed a Man a Fish and He's fed for a Day"... "Feed a Man a Poisoned Fish and He's fed for Life"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 ?❄ Why are there no "Snowomen"? "Snoballs"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 The Dinner I was cooking for my Family was a surprise until the the Fire Trucks ruined it?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 Why is the day you do laundry, clean and replace the water pump on your daily driver called a day off? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 The Man Who Created Autocorrect has passed away... Restaurant in Peace... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 If we aren't supposed to eat Animals, why are they made of Meat? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 What's the difference between a Northern Fairy Tale and a Southern Fairy Tale? A Northern Fairy Tale starts out: "Once upon a time..." A Southern Fairy Tale starts out: "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit..." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 Old News Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 If you really want to know all about mistakes, you should as your parents... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddmaster 957 Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, And at the appropriate point in the process, told him That he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured He would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, He made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying >> >P* >> >E* >> >N* >> >I* >> >S* His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 Diet Day #1: I removed all the fattening foods from my house... They were delicious:) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddmaster 957 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 The Parrot o A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.00. She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people." Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam". "That's not so bad," she thought. A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores." Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either. Later that evening, her husband Ray came home. The parrot again spoke out... This time it said, "Hi Ray!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 Which Tea is most popular amongst Psychiatrists? Insanitea... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Community Admin AndrewJohn 8,030 Posted January 4, 2019 Community Admin Share Posted January 4, 2019 Two engineers come upon a beautiful woman, riding a super-high-tech bicycle. She stops, seeing the two engineers, and takes all her clothes off, and says you can have anything you want. One engineer picks up the bicycle, and says, "I'll take the bike." The other engineer says to the first engineer, "yea, good idea, I don't think the clothes would fit you." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.... That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 What do you call the soft tissue between a Shark's teeth? A slow swimmer... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I just burned 2,000 calories... That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,587 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 How can you tell if you’re out to dinner with a vegan? Dont worry, they’ll make sure you know. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 When my Boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him, everybody knows that he doesn't hire stupid people... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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