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Dav-Em

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Posts posted by Dav-Em

  1. A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a
    note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    When the milkman read the note, he felt... there must be a mistake. He
    thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note
    asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
    The blonde said,
    "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take
    a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
    "No, just up to my boobs ...
    I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"

    • That Rocks 1
    • Haha 5
  2. The Tomato Garden
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    An old gentleman lived alone in Kansas City. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden,
    but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard His only son, Vincent, who used to help him,
    was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.
    I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would
    be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like the old days.
    Love, Papa
    A few days later he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Papa,
    Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
    Love, Vinnie
    At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without
    finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received
    another letter from his son.
    Dear Papa,
    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
    Love you,
    Vinnie

    • Thank You 1
    • Haha 8
  3. Penis Surgery-
    A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything; however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up.
    So, the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
    The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
    "Yes I have," says the man.
    "And has she helped you make a decision?"
    "Yes," says the man.
    "What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
    "We're getting granite counter tops."

    • Thank You 1
    • Haha 4
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