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RodH

Catfishin' NSFK*

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Catfishin’ in Missouri and Poison Oak

 

Many years ago, a good friend of mine asked if I wanted to join him catfishing on a stream that feeds the Mississippi with him on a piece of property his family owns. This was before I was married and had free time.

Pauly is a special kind of guy. No filters no cares in the world. I figured it would be an epic drunkin escapade so hell yeah, I was in! I show up at his place on Saturday morning, he’s got the trailer connected to his truck, the boat tied down and a ridiculous amount of beer stowed. I throw my gear in the trailer and head inside.

Pauly has 2 daughters. A 10 year old girly-girl and a 9 year old tomboy. I’m surprised to find out the 9 year old is coming with us. OK, maybe we won’t die of alcohol poisoning or get 15 to 20 for some idiotic stunt. Cool! We have a chaperone.

It’s a 10 hour drive to his family’s property. About an hour and a half south of St. Louis, not near much of anywhere. We set up and crash for the night. Morning comes, breakfast over an open fire, load up the boat – a rowboat – and off we go. The feeder stream is maybe 80’ wide, fairly slow moving lots of twists and turns. Out come the beers…..

Around noon, little miss tomboy whispers to her dad. She needs to relive herself. We row to shore and the two of them jump out and head off into the brush. I turn around and pee off the boat. A few minutes later they find their way back and off we go again. I think we got 4 big honkin’ catfish that day. Set all of them back except the smallest one. 15lbs or so.

Sun gets low, back to the trailer and fish over the fire. Mmmm. Also far too many more beers.

Day two, same routine. Fish, shore, pee…

Around 3 that second afternoon, little miss is squirming and fussing. Pauly doesn’t look too comfortable either. They have a little whisper confab and then he says “let’s head back now”. OK

We row back, I clean the fish and we think about making dinner. Again too many beers. Sun sets, we crash.

Sometime after midnight the kid is wimpering. Daddy tries to console her be he’s not doing so well either. After a bit, I ask if there is a problem. Pauly says she’s complaining that her bottom hurts.

I head outside so he can have a look. I had to go anyway. Too many beers.

A few minutes later he comes out and he’s white as a ghost. What’s up? Daughter has a bunch of welts on her bottom. Is it bad? Not really but look at this:

WARNING! Stop now….

 

 

 

 

 

This is not ever a comfortable thing to have happen.

Without any preamble, he drops his pants. His member is purple and looks like a water balloon that’s overfilled. (Brain bleach please!) An Eggplant if you will. Cripes!

Holy crap man!

Load the pair of them into the truck and head to St. Louis.

Be careful what you touch in the woods!

Home we go.

Her affliction was mild, nothing sensitive was affected.

 

He suffered.

A couple days later he calls me – drunk as usual and says:

“Well damn! It’s never been this big but even I can’t touch it”

Thanks for sharing, buddy!

 

Moral of the story: pee out of the boat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*NSFK (Not sufficient For Kevin)

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1 hour ago, kve777 said:

That's it? Sad. Thought it would be worth the read. Never get that hour back.

 

 

Just like they said in the 1979 movie Apocalypse Now :  "NEVER GET OUT OF THE BOAT" !

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1 hour ago, kve777 said:

That's it? Sad. Thought it would be worth the read. Never get that hour back.

 

you um.....say ya spent an hour reading that did ya now? Do you know the end of any books there buddy? Horton Hears a Who? maybe? What happened ...c'mon buddy ..

 

3 lousy cats....get a fn'  motor ya cheap lushes.

And some benadryl lotion..

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@pindrop thanks for saying what I was thinking, but didn't dare say.  ?

@Rod H, in a word, OUCH!  At least it didn't wind up as catfish bait, like I had visions of while reading through it (losing only 2 minutes of my life to amusement).  ?

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Poison Oak is bad stuff.  Much worse than poison ivy.  Had both.

 

Shagged a golf ball off the edge of the #3 fairway at the Mill Valley Golf Club in Cali, when I lived there.  Felt so happy I had recovered my wild drive.

 

That night, my forearms - both of them, looked like Popeye's arms, sans tattoo.

 

s-l300.jpg.cc368b0046e104f327dfa902f375556a.jpg

 

Hospital gives me a HUGE shot of cortisone, with a 2 gage needle a hamster could crawl through, and you could actually watch the flesh shrink back to normal.

 

Would never want that where your friend had it, Rod.  Oh, jeez.  And I'm thinking with that swelling, you must have had to row the boat..., 

 

Leave the ball in the woods, pee off the boat.  Good advice.

 

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I'm with Kevin, at least about the one hour to read it.  On my best day, I read at a grade 1 level.  In fact, it took me so long to read it that I forgot that poison oak was in the title.  By the end, i didn't know what to expect.

 

I'm gonna wait for the movie.

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