Sk1Bum 9,859 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 15 hours ago, randog311 said: Ham and Eggs... A Day's Work for a Chicken... A Lifetime Commitment for a Pig... This was a theme in Bikers Against Child Abuse for many years. "Are you a chicken or a pig?" The chicken just works for a day, but a pig is willing to give up his life for the child. Many, many "PIG" patches on BACA vests. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,609 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 1 hour ago, randog311 said: Failure isn't falling down... It's not being able to get back up... Sigh, that's not failing, it's just getting old. You young kids don't realize, yet, that every morning the floor gets further down as you get older... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sk1Bum 9,859 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 3 minutes ago, Brian_at_HHH said: Sigh, that's not failing, it's just getting old. You young kids don't realize, yet, that every morning the floor gets further down as you get older... I keep telling myself that I'm getting taller. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 If you're going through HELL,, DON'"T STOP.... It can only get BETTER... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 (edited) My Wife was complaining last night that I never listen to Her... Or something like that... __________________________________________ You know you're an Audiophile if you wait until early morning to listen to your system because... You know that the Utility Company delivers "Cleaner" Electricity then... Edited August 30, 2018 by randog311 Site FAIL / Separate content Merged 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Nurse: "We need a Stool Sample and a Urine Sample" Man to Wife: "What did she say?" Wife: " They want your underwear." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srinath 34 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Something original - Q: Why did the blonde rub herself with the keyboard ? A: Cos she wanted to have a QWERTY org@$m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Alcohol is the perfect Solvent... It dissolves Marriages, Families, Friends and Careers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sk1Bum 9,859 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 59 minutes ago, randog311 said: Alcohol is the perfect Solvent... It dissolves Marriages, Families, Friends and Careers... After my ex & I split, we were arguing on the phone over something about our daughter, when she said, "... and another thing, I can't believe that you're not drinking and smoking dope any more. The only reason I left is because you were always stoned and drunk." "I was stoned and drunk, because you wouldn't leave." CLICK! "Huh, was it something I said?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 6 minutes ago, Sk1Bum said: After my ex & I split, we were arguing on the phone over something about our daughter, when she said, "... and another thing, I can't believe that you're not drinking and smoking dope any more. The only reason I left is because you were always stoned and drunk." "I was stoned and drunk, because you wouldn't leave." CLICK! "Huh, was it something I said?" ROTFL?? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 My Husband is on the Roof, inches away from an Insurance Claim... That could completely Change My Life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 "Come on line" You must be an Angel because... Your Texture Mapping is so Divine... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer... This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks......Which do you want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves. What did I tell you? said the barber....That kid never learns! Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? The boy licked his cone and replied.......Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xavionics 1,394 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 17 hours ago, randog311 said: My Husband is on the Roof, inches away from an Insurance Claim... That could completely Change My Life... ....and my wife is asked “should we send somebody?” she replies “not yet”.. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 A boy asks his dad, What’s the difference between potential and realistic? The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would... He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever! Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich... When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses... The dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Entered what I ate today into my new fitness App... The App sent an Ambulance to my house... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 My Girlfriend left Me because She said that She couldn't handle My OCD... I told Her to close the door Five Times on Her way out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,602 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 The first time I bought a Harmony I thought to myself... This changes everything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,602 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 "Aging Gracefully" is the nice way of saying... "You're slowly looking worse"... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words. The guy replies, Hey, why not.....He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300 on the bar..... and says slowly. Paint….........my........….house....... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 Alzheimer's can't be that bad... You get to meet new people every day... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,196 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 1985: "Smokin' in the Boys Room" 2018: "Vapin' in the Gender Neutral Bathroom" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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