randog311 7,190 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 If you were on fire and I had water... I would drink it... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby1970 1,352 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Wine In...... Truth Out.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,190 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn... It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby1970 1,352 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 (I don't own this joke) A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RodH 4,820 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby1970 1,352 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 a man found a lamp w/ a genie in it. he was granted 3 wishes, so he chose carefully his wishes. I want to have lou ferigno’s body, richard gere’s face & my d!ck touching the ground. after that, he found his face look’s like richard gere, his body like lou ferigno, and his legs shortened to only 2 inches.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,167 Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Canadian mosquito skeleton 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,608 Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 30 minutes ago, danowood said: Canadian mosquito skeleton Nah, that's only a blackfly. And a young one, at that. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,608 Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 OLD FOLKS HOME On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, an older lady named Alice stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?” 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,608 Posted June 5, 2019 Share Posted June 5, 2019 SIGNS OF THE TIMES: SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs: We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you. A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK: Blind man driving. Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix. In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels. On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place. On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed. On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber. At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout. On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts. In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action. On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push. At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming. In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted. In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait. At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank Heaven for little grills. In a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak. And the best one for last; Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,167 Posted June 5, 2019 Share Posted June 5, 2019 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,587 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,608 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 I'll wager, in reality, it would be Ms. Piggy (and yes, the Ms. was for my own safety) would be selling frogs-legs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sk1Bum 9,803 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 On 6/5/2019 at 2:06 PM, Brian_at_HHH said: SIGNS OF THE TIMES: SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs: We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you. A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK: Blind man driving. Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix. In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels. On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place. On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed. On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber. At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout. On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts. In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action. On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push. At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment. Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming. In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted. In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait. At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank Heaven for little grills. In a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak. And the best one for last; Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises" My favorite ad sign (but I'm biased) On a bagged ice delivery truck: "Everyone loves a good piece of ice." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,587 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 On 6/5/2019 at 1:06 PM, Brian_at_HHH said: On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,587 Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrummerJuice 1,278 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 If a fat person identifies as skinny, do we call them "Translender"? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,167 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrummerJuice 1,278 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Who knew? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 Are pro tube gear enthusiasts biased ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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