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Gene C

Do you know any jokes?

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 A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. 

 

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, 

"What you gonna do with that?! There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here." 

 

He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it." 

 

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees 
the wife and asks where his brother is. 

 

She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house. 

 

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand . 

He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?" 

 

His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?" 

 

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If 
I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"

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*Male Reasoning*
 
 
This is a conversation between a man and a woman.
Please note that she asked five or six questions, which he answered quite
simply, but then she was speechless after answering only one question.
 
Woman:  “Do you drink beer?”
Man:  “Yes.”
 
Woman:  “How many beers a day?”
Man:  “Usually about three.”
 
Woman:  “How much do you pay per beer?”
Man:  “Five dollars, which includes a tip.”  (This is where it gets scary!)
 
Woman:  “And how long have you been drinking?”
Man:  “About 20 years, I suppose.”
 
Woman:  “So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day, which puts
your spending each month at $450.  In one year that would be approximately
$5,400, correct?”
Man:  “Correct.”
 
Woman:  “If in one year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation,
the past twenty years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?”
Man:  “Correct.”
 
Woman:  “Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money
could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and, after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could’ve by now
bought an airplane?”
 
Man:  “Do you drink beer?”
Woman:  “No.”
 
Man:  “Where’s your airplane?”
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I Too am Irish (and also German)

I propose we give each other Humor Therapy in the form of Jokes, keep them coming,  I  enjoy all forms of Humor...

 

Later randog311

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Umm, was he Irish? I'm sorry guys, sometimes I just get away from myself.

 

  RanDog, As it turns out, I am Irish/English. Never really knew that until a few days ago. I do appreciate many forms of humor, unless I am taking someone to task just for the sake of a joke.  Actually, I am not into many sexually loaded (pun intended) humor, mostly because it is just too common. I seem to like the bizarre best because you can't predict the punch line. 

Edited by 4krow
update

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A German gentlemen goes on Holiday to France...

 

When he reaches Customs he is asked:

Occupation?

 

He replied: No, just visiting...

 

No offense of any kind intended...

 

 

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"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

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The milkman goes to the door to collect his money when he knocks the door swings open and he walks in.

 

The place is a mess, beer bottles and liquor bottles everywhere. He is just about to leave when the lady of the house comes down the stairs.

 

He looks at her then looks at the mess She catching the hint, explains that they had a big party last night.

 

The milkman spots a blanket in the corner with holes all cut out. “What was that for?” He asked

 

Well she explained “We were playing party games last night, where we had all the men line up behind the blanket and stick there penis’s out the holes. Then all the women went along and tried to guess whose was whose.

 

Man that must have been some party wish I here.

 

Well, you might as well have been here your name came up several times.

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Imagine the disappointment if a Wolf knew it's descendant would be a Pug...

 

That's how your Grandpa feels when he sees your man bun... 

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I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a Vegetarian...

Do people that "Run" know that we aren't food anymore?

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A Magician from Spain tells the audience that he will disappear on the count of 3...

 

He says: "Uno, Dos..."  *Poof* ...He disappears without a "Tres"...

 

 

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This is not original, but one I can relate to, all too well:

 

When the inventor of the USB connector dies, they will try to lower the coffin into the grave, pull it back out turn it the other way around and try to lower it into the grave again.  Perhaps several times...

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What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

 

The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, But

 

The people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.

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