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Do you know any Jokes? Cartoons? Funny Memes?


Gene C

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37 minutes ago, randog311 said:

 Moses started out as a basket case... 

 

I remember him, uppity little whippersnapper that didn't know his place...

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22 minutes ago, Daddyjt said:

Why is sex like pizza?

 

when it’s hot it’s great...

 

when its cold, it’s still not too bad....

 

Those who say "there is no such thing as bad Sex or bad Pizza" have never been to prison.... I hear the Pizza is terrible! ;)

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A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a
note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt... there must be a mistake. He
thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note
asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said,
"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take
a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
"No, just up to my boobs ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"

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The store owner asks the clerk,  What's with that guy over there by the wall..

 

The clerk says,   Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough

I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative

 

You idiot..... You can't treat a cough with laxatives

 

Oh yeah...... Look at him, he's afraid to cough...

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My ex used to have a parrot. I hated that bird, he never gave me any respect, never could get my name right.  Every time I came home he called me  "Quick, out the window."

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I  asked my Northern Korean friend how it was over there?

 

 

 

 

He said that He couldn't Complain...

 

USA...

Respect All Lives...

Respect Our Flag...

Respect Our Anthem...

Edited by randog311
Patriotism
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Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door.  I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face.
At least I'm telling you in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this.  The truth is that when you're not around I've been sharing your wife, day and night.  In fact, probably much more than you. 
I haven't been getting it at home recently and I know that that's no excuse.  The temptation was just too great.  I can't live with the guilt and hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.  
Please sugg est a fee for usage and I'll pay you.
Regards, Richard
 

 


NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE:
Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard -- killing him.  He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. 
 
Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second Text message from Richard.
 

 


SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
 
Hi, Fred.  Richard here again.  Sorry about the typo on my last text.  I expect you figured it out and noticed that the damned Auto-Correct had changed "wi-fi" to "wife."  Technology, huh?  It'll be the death of us all.

 

Regards, Richard

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Ham and Eggs...

 

A Day's Work for a Chicken...

 

A Lifetime Commitment for a Pig...

 

Kinda makes me Hungry for Waffles and Chicken;)

Edited by randog311
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