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Do you know any jokes?


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(I don't own this joke)

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

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a man found a lamp w/ a genie in it.

he was granted 3 wishes,

so he chose carefully his wishes.

I want to have lou ferigno’s body,

richard gere’s face & my d!ck touching the ground.

after that,

he found his face look’s like richard gere,

his body like lou ferigno, and his legs shortened to only 2 inches..

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OLD FOLKS HOME


On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:

"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. 

 

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.

Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.

Are there any questions?"

At this point, an older lady named Alice stood up in the crowd and inquired:  "How much for a season pass?

 

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SIGNS OF THE TIMES:

SI
GN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs:

We will heel you

We will save your sole

We will even dye for you.


 A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:

Blind man driving.


 

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.


 

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels.


 

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


 

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for,

You've come to the right place.


 

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.


 

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.


 

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout.


 

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts.


 

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.


 

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push.


 

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.


 

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.


 

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!


 

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.  However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.


 

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.


 

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.


 

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank Heaven for little grills.


 

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak.


 

And the best one for last;

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

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On 6/5/2019 at 2:06 PM, Brian_at_HHH said:

SIGNS OF THE TIMES:

SI
GN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs:

We will heel you

We will save your sole

We will even dye for you.


 A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:

Blind man driving.


 

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.


 

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels.


 

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


 

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for,

You've come to the right place.


 

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.


 

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.


 

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout.


 

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts.


 

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.


 

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push.


 

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.


 

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.


 

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!


 

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.  However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.


 

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.


 

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.


 

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank Heaven for little grills.


 

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak.


 

And the best one for last;

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

 

My favorite ad sign (but I'm biased)

 

On a bagged ice delivery truck:

 

"Everyone loves a good piece of ice."

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