Daddyjt 8,354 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom 372 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Name the rock group, one was assassinated, three died of natural causes. Wait for it Mount Rushmore. ?? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compwaco 1,084 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately." Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip. “And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus." 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr. underhill 48 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 2 turtles mug a snail- rough him up pretty bad. the cops come by to get a statement. "sorry this happened to you. hope you're ok. did you get a look at the perps? do you think you could identify them?" the snail thinks for a second and responds "i don't think so. it all happened so fast." 2 guys walk into a bar. and you'd sure think the second guy would've ducked. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,079 Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Didn't know where else to post this. News Update. I didn't know this till today. I found out that God's Real name is Howard......... I thought I would share it with you so that you too may feel more educated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,354 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kve777 6,132 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 15 minutes ago, Daddyjt said: Hydrogen Peroxide! I get it! I get jokes! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,497 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 Or perhaps he just became a bleached blond...? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilDent 1,594 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I've given my dog h2o2 mixed with Gatorade when she ate something that we feared was possibly lethal. It had her vomiting like an over-served sorority pledge. It worked like a charm. It was much cheaper than the time we took her to the the emergency vet hospital when we feared that she had eaten an entire bulb of garlic. In that instance the medically induced vomiting, instead of confirming a lethal dose of garlic in her stomach, revealed she had eaten my daughter's socks and a nerf ball. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 6,863 Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 Which Houston lasted longer under water? (MEME) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,354 Posted September 4, 2019 Share Posted September 4, 2019 1 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,354 Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compwaco 1,084 Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,354 Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dav-Em 335 Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 6,863 Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 SNL More Cowbell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 6,863 Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 What did the Kardashians Neighbor say? I can see a Tranny from my house ?♂️?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 6,863 Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,079 Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichP714 3,140 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”. ‘About 32,’ is the reply.’ ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’ Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’ While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’ He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’ ‘I was behind you at McDonalds’. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian_at_HHH 2,497 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichP714 3,140 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 6,863 Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,354 Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Father : “GO TO YOUR ROOM!” Child : -Stomps off- “Jim Morrison was OVERRATED!!” Father : “What have I told you about slamming the Doors!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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