randog311

Imagine the disappointment if a Wolf knew it's descendant would be a Pug...

That's how your Grandpa feels when he sees your man bun... 

A German gentlemen goes on Holiday to France...

When he reaches Customs he is asked:

Occupation?

He replied: No, just visiting...

No offense of any kind intended...

I Too am Irish (and also German)

I propose we give each other Humor Therapy in the form of Jokes, keep them coming,  I  enjoy all forms of Humor...

Later randog311

What do you  call an Irish Carpet Muncher?

Gaelic...

Why do Texans make such lousy lovers?

They think 8 seconds is a good ride...

What's the difference between the Color Pink and the Color Purple?

The amount of Grip...

On 8/10/2018 at 6:59 PM, randog311 said:

The Wait Staff were refilling Wine Glasses at the Company Holiday Party,  everything was going well, then Confusion set in when someone said the two words together as one of  the Wait Staff  members attempted to top-off their glass... (Don't & Stop), and then a couple people on the corner said: " Me Also, Me Also"

For less Confusion:

Change the scenario...

Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning...

Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke?

I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live.

Well,  I'm fairly new to being a Texan (less than a year)...

Did you hear about the Texan that died and the Funeral Home found that he was too large to fit in the Casket...

They gave him an Enema and were able to fit him in a shoebox...

Keep the Texan and American Jokes coming...

O Canada

How can you tell if a Redneck from Alberta is Married...

There will be dried chewing tabacco on both sides of his pickup truck...

The Wait Staff were refilling Wine Glasses at the Company Holiday Party,  everything was going well, then Confusion set in when someone said the two words together as one of  the Wait Staff  members attempted to top-off their glass... (Don't & Stop), and then a couple people on the corner said: " Me Also, Me Also"

Do you know why there are so many Italians named "Tony"?

When they Immigrated,  they were "Stamped":

"To New York"

God and Adam were just hanging out in the Garden of Eden...

Adam say's: "Lord, I've been noticing that all of the animals have "Mates", Can I have a Mate Too?

Yes Adam, but it will cost you an arm and a leg...

Adam ponders for awhile and asks: What can I get for a rib? 

And the Lord said unto John,

"Come forth and you will receive Eternally Life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster 

LMAO

Thanks for the good laugh, I needed that...

Later, randog311

I agree UncleMeat 

Your Username I  personally happen to like...

Although I believe even that Username is likely to Offend someone somewhere...

MAJA

Later,  randog311 

In an unfamiliar part of town, two Sisters were riding their Bikes down a cobbled street...

one said to the other: Iv'e never come this way before... 

Later, randog311

I told my wife that she was drawing her eyebrows to high...

She looked surprised...

Later, randog311

Okay dennismiller55

FYI, I am trying to be very careful as to what words and content I am posting, especially as related to humor which as we all know can be very subjective individually. 

The Joke in which you recently DELETED I felt would pass the muster of the "P C Police".

Apparently I will have to "rein- in" my parameters of what I post...

Note taken, randog311

The expression used to be: " An Apple a Day will keep the Doctor away"

But nowadays it seems that many Doctors don't eat MEAT for one reason or another: "Now I find that BACON works Best"

Do you how to tell when it was time for bed @ mj s "never-mind-ranch"?

When the BIG hand touched the little hand....

Time for another Randy original JOKE...

Disclaimer: No offense intended towards any Religion...

Saddam Hussein had two sons (well documented), Uday & Qusay...

JOKE: Did you know that Saddam Hussein had third son (Fiction) from an encounter with a Jewish woman?

Oh Vey!

IE: Uday, Qusay and OyVey

Enjoy...

Good to see at least a few Menbers here have a sence of Humor ?

I will throw out a Bone occasionally ?

If you like "Dark Conedy", I can reccomend "Very Bad Things" with Cameron Diaz. 

Best to watch with a couple of friends and some Beers???????

Ya'll probably wondering why my left eye is partially closed. Well what happened was this: Last night as my wife was finishing the dinner dishes, I was standing behind her. 

All I said was, "Would you like to go out, girl?" 

Without even turning around my wife said, "Oh yes, I'd love to....

We had a wonderful evening and later, she thanked me for surprising her with a night out. 

Everything was going along so great until I said that:  "I was actually talking to the dog"...

What did the music conductor name his twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two

Original Randy Joke (remember, it's just a JOKE Son):

What did the Card-Ass-e-ans neighbor say?

I can see a  "Tranny" from my house...