randog311 7,226 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 I saw a Sign that said: "Watch for Children"... I thought: "That sounds like a fair trade"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Entered what I ate today into my new fitness App and it sent an Ambulance to my house... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 National Lampoon's Deteriorata 1972 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockster2U 668 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think that 50% of Americans have lost their minds... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Husband takes the wife to a Club. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works. Wife turns to her husband and says.......See that guy, 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down. Husband says....Looks like he's still celebrating!!! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 My kids are now at the age where they are beginning to understand embarrassment... This is my time to shine... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 I gave up my seat on the Bus to a Blind Gentleman... That's how I lost my job as a Bus driver... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 The first Computer dates back to Adam and Eve, it was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the Camera... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Can I have your picture so that I can show Santa what I want for Christmas... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Time waits for no Man... Time is obviously a Woman... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 About a Month before My Uncle passed away, his Nurse rubbed Lard all over his back. After that, He went downhill fast... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarciaFan 293 Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Analog health monitoring rules... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 I bought some shoes from a Drug Dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 When my Doctor tells me something is normal for my age I feel better, then I think that dying could be considered normal for my age... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarciaFan 293 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?” “Yes, I know,” said the lady. “I need both my hands to hold onto this hat.” “But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old... I just bought this hat yesterday!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Women Marry because they believe that one day He will change... Men Marry because they believe that She will never change... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 A BIT OF A PROBLEM???? A thief broke into a house in mid-afternoon. He held the woman at knife point and tied her up and said, “Give me all your money and jewels and any other stuff you might have.” The man starts sobbing and says, “Brother take what you want, but please untie her and set her free.” The thief says, “You must really love your wife.” The man says, “No, she’s the neighbor’s wife and my wife will be home in about half an hour.” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrummerJuice 1,279 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 (edited) On 11/18/2018 at 3:50 PM, randog311 said: Women Marry because they believe that one day He will change... Men Marry because they believe that She will never change... Too True to be funny! Edited November 20, 2018 by DrummerJuice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 An Optimistic believes that we live in the best world... A Pessimist is afraid that it might be true... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 He's so old he gets nostalgic when he sees Neolithic cave schematics... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 What's the difference between Politics and Baseball... In Baseball, if you're caught stealing! You're Out... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Don't mess with old people... Life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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