randog311 7,204 Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 The expression used to be: " An Apple a Day will keep the Doctor away" But nowadays it seems that many Doctors don't eat MEAT for one reason or another: "Now I find that BACON works Best" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dennismiller55 4,717 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 Be very careful of the type of jokes you are presenting here in this forum. I will not hesitate to delete jokes that may offend our membership. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 Okay dennismiller55 FYI, I am trying to be very careful as to what words and content I am posting, especially as related to humor which as we all know can be very subjective individually. The Joke in which you recently DELETED I felt would pass the muster of the "P C Police". Apparently I will have to "rein- in" my parameters of what I post... Note taken, randog311 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 I told my wife that she was drawing her eyebrows to high... She looked surprised... Later, randog311 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 In an unfamiliar part of town, two Sisters were riding their Bikes down a cobbled street... one said to the other: Iv'e never come this way before... Later, randog311 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleMeat 1,173 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 The very nature of a joke is to laugh at the folly, misfortune or expense of another individual, ethnic class, sex, or religion. There isn't much in this thread that wouldn't offend someone, somewhere, for some reason. Asking people to post politically correct jokes is a joke in and of itself. JMO 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 I agree UncleMeat Your Username I personally happen to like... Although I believe even that Username is likely to Offend someone somewhere... MAJA Later, randog311 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleMeat 1,173 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) When Zappa released this song, the ADL wanted it 'banned' LOL. All that did was create more publicity. In order to be fair and politically/ethnically neutral, Zappa wrote this song: UMRK WARNING: Some people (cupcake eaters) might find this material offensive. I for one, care less for them. -The Utility Muffin Research Kitchen Edited August 8, 2018 by UncleMeat 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 LMAO Thanks for the good laugh, I needed that... Later, randog311 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted August 8, 2018 Share Posted August 8, 2018 Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley. Tom got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?" He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" Tom replied: “I wasn't." 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive Eternally Life" But John came fifth, and won a toaster 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 God and Adam were just hanging out in the Garden of Eden... Adam say's: "Lord, I've been noticing that all of the animals have "Mates", Can I have a Mate Too? Yes Adam, but it will cost you an arm and a leg... Adam ponders for awhile and asks: What can I get for a rib? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingman 662 Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach... As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother: 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,167 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compwaco 1,129 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 Do you know why there are so many Italians named "Tony"? When they Immigrated, they were "Stamped": "To New York" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 10, 2018 Share Posted August 10, 2018 The Wait Staff were refilling Wine Glasses at the Company Holiday Party, everything was going well, then Confusion set in when someone said the two words together as one of the Wait Staff members attempted to top-off their glass... (Don't & Stop), and then a couple people on the corner said: " Me Also, Me Also" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B-Man 4,763 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 O Canada How can you tell if a Redneck from Alberta is Married... There will be dried chewing tabacco on both sides of his pickup truck... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDR 1,192 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Since I'm from Alberta I guess I have to come back with something.......lets see.... How can you tell if a Texan is married... She waves from the kitchen window, as he hitches up the house..... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Well, I'm fairly new to being a Texan (less than a year)... Did you hear about the Texan that died and the Funeral Home found that he was too large to fit in the Casket... They gave him an Enema and were able to fit him in a shoebox... Keep the Texan and American Jokes coming... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnspy007 1,475 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,204 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 On 8/10/2018 at 6:59 PM, randog311 said: The Wait Staff were refilling Wine Glasses at the Company Holiday Party, everything was going well, then Confusion set in when someone said the two words together as one of the Wait Staff members attempted to top-off their glass... (Don't & Stop), and then a couple people on the corner said: " Me Also, Me Also" For less Confusion: Change the scenario... Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning... Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke? I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zumbini 6,140 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 1 hour ago, randog311 said: For less Confusion: Change the scenario... Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning... Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke? I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live. I understand the "joke". I was confused as to why you would think the scenario was funny. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddyjt 8,625 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 2 hours ago, randog311 said: For less Confusion: Change the scenario... Swap out a word or two with another of a similar meaning... Perhaps you be able to make better sence of the joke? I had to be creative to make this joke "Passable" in the "Censored" world in which we now live. Im about as un-offendable as they come. That said, there are a few things that just aren’t funny to most people. Resurrecting a joke about rape that was not humorous the first time seems a poor decision. As for claims of the “censored world”, I can count the number of removed posts on this forum in the past several years on one hand. All was good - you over stepped with the original “joke”, Dennis did his job as a moderator and gave gentle correction. Now you seem intent on revisiting the situation. Just let it go. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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