Brian_at_HHH 2,610 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie 16,429 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie 16,429 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 The "Mr Happy" Poem My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout Time was when on it's own accord, From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job, To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues To see it hang it's little head, And watch me tie my shoes.... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Community Admin AndrewJohn 8,280 Posted March 19, 2020 Community Admin Share Posted March 19, 2020 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sk1Bum 9,930 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son,I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,a fat old lady in a motorized cart moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. The doors opened and a young blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother' 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 (edited) https://i.imgur.com/lNs7hAH.gifv No Toilet Paper! No Problem! Edited March 21, 2020 by randog311 Loading issue 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 Cheech And Chong Basketball Jones 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichP714 3,152 Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 Are my testicles black? A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are - my - test - results - back?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Community Admin AndrewJohn 8,280 Posted April 12, 2020 Community Admin Share Posted April 12, 2020 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Receiver2000 2,489 Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 2 audiophiles talking. 1st one says, "Did you hear the sad news about Bob; he died of a sudden illness." 2nd audiophile says, "That's so sad, what did he have?" 1st audiophile replies, " Krell, Thiel, Theta, and Nordost." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) Meghan Trainor Me Too Edited April 15, 2020 by randog311 Name 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RodH 4,820 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 A lot of people won't shake hands because of the Corona virus. I won't because of the toilet paper shortage.... 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Receiver2000 2,489 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maytag 803 Posted April 16, 2020 Share Posted April 16, 2020 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compwaco 1,129 Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Receiver2000 2,489 Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 Alternative Social Distancing Methods Explored 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Community Admin AndrewJohn 8,280 Posted April 30, 2020 Community Admin Share Posted April 30, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Receiver2000 2,489 Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby1970 1,370 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 These beautiful tiny black pieces got a sponge bath last night.. ..but, I forgot which one goes to the corresponding switch!!.. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Receiver2000 2,489 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danowood 2,167 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Receiver2000 2,489 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Danowood, I guess just more of the new "Normal". 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randog311 7,226 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 What do you get when you cross a Donkey with an Onion? An Ass that will bring a Tear to your Eye... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie 16,429 Posted May 19, 2020 Share Posted May 19, 2020 Do You Know How To Tell When You're Getting Old???? ...When You Take A Healthy Poop And It Feels Just As Good As Getting Laid... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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